The “this” I am referring to is a stick-shift Jeep Grand Cherokee. For those of you who also didn’t know about this, and therefore think it’s some sort of bizarre transmission swap, I can assure you this is not the case. Apparently Jeep really did offer a manual transmission on the first few Grand Cherokee models, including a full complement of three pedals, a tachometer, and a gear lever that resembles a hockey stick in both shape and size.

The real crime here is that Christian sent me the eBay listing AFTER the auction had ended, which is a shame, because this thing would’ve been pretty cool to bid on. Oh, sure, the speedo only goes up to 100 miles per hour, and the controls look like they’re from the 1970s, not the 1990s. And yes, it’s finished in a paint shade that the owner identifies as “Wild Berry Metallic,” which sounds like a statue they might have at the corporate headquarters for Gushers.

But this is still very much the kind of vehicle I would want to buy, or at least test drive to find out just how awful that gear lever really is. And so, if you see another of these come up for sale, let me know. That’s unlikely, though, considering they only made about 1,000, and 975 of those are probably rusting away in a junkyard with the rest of Chrysler’s forgotten products.

The truth is there aren’t that many fuel efficient SUVs, and I’m not entirely sure why. Yes, there are a few hybrids – but with the Escape Hybrid long gone, the cheapest one, Toyota’s Highlander Hybrid, starts above $40,000. That’s about where diesel SUVs start, too.

But that wasn’t always the case.

Behold, the diesel-powered Jeep Liberty, known as the Jeep Liberty CRD. It was sold in the United States from 2005 to 2006, which means at any given time there are only a few dozen on AutoTrader. But they’re out there, somewhere, with a 2.8-liter turbodiesel 4-cylinder that made 160 horsepower and a muscular 295 pound-feet of torque.

If that sounds pretty cool, it is – especially when you consider the average asking price on AutoTrader is hovering around $10,000. Think about it: a compact SUV with tons of towing power and a fuel-efficient diesel engine! It’s the greatest car in the world!

Sadly, however, there’s one problem: it’s NOT the greatest car in the world. Part of the issue is that it’s still a Jeep Liberty, which means you have to deal with the, shall we say, inexpensive interior components clearly sourced from the same people who make airline headphones.

The other problem? Fuel economy, believe it or not. Despite its diesel powertrain, the Liberty CRD returned just 21 mpg in the city and 26 mpg on the highway – far below most gas-powered compact SUVs today.

But it still exists. And it’s still pretty cool.

Well, how about the two-door Land Rover Freelander?

That’s right. Everyone forgets about it, but the two-door Freelander very much existed – even in the United States. It was one of many failed two-door SUVs, a group that also includes the Toyota RAV4, Kia Sportage, Isuzu VehiCROSS, and dozens upon dozens of others.

The interesting thing was the Freelander Convertible was kind of neat-looking. It had a rear-mounted spare, you could take off the roof, and it sort of looked like a combination of “cute car your girlfriend might drive” and “go-anywhere off-roader.”

Unfortunately, the Freelander itself was an awful, underpowered, trucky SUV with terrible gas mileage, a bad interior, and a transmission that was destined to fail no matter how many times you replaced it. As a result, I’d be stunned if there are ANY Land Rover Freelanders left in this country five years from now.

But I’d especially be stunned if there are any two-doors. A quick check on AutoTrader.com reveals about 80 percent of Freelanders are four-door, meaning only a small number are two-doors. A quick check on AutoTrader.com also reveals you can pick one of these up for around six grand, regardless of mileage or condition. That’s a pretty good deal, though I must remind you to budget for a new transmission. And then another new transmission a few years later.

But wouldn’t it be cool to combine diesel and performance? That’s precisely what VW did with the TDI Cup race series, an SCCA series that lasted from 2008 to 2011. The cars that ran were all diesel-powered Jettas, just like the ones you could buy at the VW dealer, except that they had 170 horsepower, 270 pound-feet, and a roll cage. Also, they were covered in decals, but not from sponsors, because who the hell would watch diesel Jettas race?

Anyway: eventually, VW decided to capitalize on the enormously minor success they had with this series by launching the TDI Cup Jetta. What a great strategy, right? Tune the standard car’s 140 horses and 236 lb-ft to the figures from the cup cars, and you have a touring car for the road. AND it has a diesel engine for fuel economy!!! HOW COOL!

Only, Volkswagen didn’t tune the engine. Instead, the Jetta TDI Cup was just a standard Jetta TDI, with the same 140 horses and the same 236 lb-ft. The only upgrades were a bodykit, some wheels, and what I can only imagine is a decal that says “TDI Cup Edition” while spanning both doors.

So, the Jetta TDI Cup. It exists. But maybe it shouldn’t.

The only problem is most hybrid people don’t want to bother with driving a stick. And, love ‘em or hate ‘em, CVT automatics tend to be just as good at gas mileage as manuals – if not better. The result is there are a precious few manual hybrids in existence today.

We all know one of them: the original Honda Insight. That was initially offered only with a stick, though a CVT came online later, ensuring the car would never be able to climb steep hills, or medium-sized hills, or speed bumps.

There’s also the Honda CR-Z, the Insight’s successor, which offers a stick shift to drivers who want to really wring out the 13.2-second 0-to-60 time in their “sport” hybrid.

But did you know there’s another manual hybrid out there?

That’s right, folks: the first-generation Honda Civic Hybrid came with a stick shift from 2003 to 2005. It looks like installation rates were surprisingly high, reaching about 20 percent of all Civic Hybrid models. That figure, coupled with the first-generation Civic Hybrid’s reasonable popularity, means there are a few stick shift Civic Hybrids available on the used market.

Unfortunately, the days of a manual hybrid sedan are probably long behind us. But for hypermilers who do most of their driving in the diesel-unfriendly big city, the Civic Hybrid stick is a good choice. Except for that whole thing about replacing the batteries.

That’s right, folks: I’m talking about the Saab 9-4X.

Most people aren’t aware of the 9-4X’s actual existence. A lot of folks think Saab developed it, but didn’t quite get it into production before the bankruptcy, meaning there’s a lot of center-mounted ignition switches left over at GM’s Cadillac SRX factory in Ramos Arizpe, Mexico.

But that’s not the case. The 9-4X did go into production, if only for a few months before bankruptcy finally did it in.

The result is an orphaned car with a loose parts network. But the 9-4X is also a unique, handsome crossover with two engines: a General Motors V6, or a 2.8-liter turbocharged V6 also used on other Saab models like the 9-3 and 9-5. That engine made 300 horsepower in the 9-4X Aero, which means that version of Saab’s swan song is a reasonably enjoyable SUV.

Not that I’ve driven one. Because Saab capped production after producing less than 600 units, which means it’s about as common as a Ferrari 575M Superamerica. Fortunately, you can still find a few examples on the used market – provided that you’re willing to part with $25,000, willing to drive an orphaned car, and – most importantly – willing to spend your weekends searching eBay for parts.

It doesn’t sound fun. But it might be worth it, if only so you can roll up next to an F40 at a stoplight and laugh at the notion of such an everyday vehicle.

The Touareg V10 TDI debuted for the 2005 model year, and – like so many cars in this segment – it answered a question that no one really asked. That question was: Why isn’t there a Volkswagen that tows like a heavy-duty pickup?

Here were the particulars: 313 horsepower, which doesn’t really seem very muscular compared to the Touareg V8. 553 pound-feet of torque, which doesn’t really seem very muscular compared to a midsize ocean liner. And unfortunately, a sticker price of $59,500, which doesn’t seem very reasonable compared to anything. By comparison, the 2005 Touareg V8 started at $45,000.

For so many reasons, the Touareg V10 TDI didn’t sell well in the States. The fact that no one needs it. The fact that no stump-pulling diesel buyer is also a VW crossover buyer. The fact that people knew from day one that it would treat the dealership service department as a second home starting the day the warranty expired. The cost to buy. Our unfamiliarity with diesels.

VW ditched the Touareg V10 TDI after the 2007 model year and replaced it with a normal, fuel efficient V6 turbodiesel that a few people actually bought. But the next time you see a pre-facelift, first-gen Touareg, look close: it might be the one that can pull your house down the street.

Anyway: the most recent expansion of my “save the manuals” work is to highlight the Porsche Panamera, which is not sold with a manual transmission. Why, you might ask, am I highlighting it? Because it is sold with a manual transmission.

Pictured above, and also below for some reason, is a Porsche Panamera with a stick shift. You see, in Europe, the Panamera is sold with a proper stick and three pedals. And it gets better: not only is it offered on the Panamera, you can also get it on the Panamera S. That’s right: a 400-horsepower, rear-wheel drive German sedan (hatchback, let’s be honest) with a stick shift.

Sadly, the manual isn’t sold here for about a dozen reasons. In fact, the manual isn’t even sold in Europe, where I’m told roughly one person out of ten zillion actually chooses it. Still: it’s there, and it exists. Just not in the States, until someone as crazy as me decided to import one – in 23 years.

Back in the 1980s, Jeep threw wood paneling on the side of the Grand Wagoneer SUV. This was all well and good, and people bought them in large numbers, primarily so they could keep a car at their second home in Martha’s Vineyard.

During that time, Toyota also offered wood paneling on the Land Cruiser.

I’ve done a few Google searches and I can’t seem to find anything that really explains it. Was it a factory option? Was it actually wood? Was it dealer installed? And whose idea was it? After all, it seems like a blatant copy of the Grand Wagoneer.

But there are many photos floating around with wood-paneled FJ60 Land Cruisers, which suggests to me it was more than just one guy’s bizarre dream. I think this was a real option, and people ordered it, and they sold quite a few this way.

Does anyone have any more information?

Just kidding. We all know Toyota isn’t very cool, which is probably the reason they sell a lot of cars. Most people don’t want to be cool, especially because “cool” is really a car business term for “will spend more time in the shop than on the road.” My Range Rover, for instance, is very cool.

But Toyota has its flashes of actual, legitimate cool. And one of those flashes is the Celica All-Trac.

Most people don’t know this car was sold in the States, but it very much was. I believe they offered two models: in ’88 and ’89, you could get the fourth-generation Celica All-Trac, and from 1990 to 1993, you could get the fifth-gen. I’ve never been a fan of the fourth-gen body, but the running gear on both cars was largely the same. And it was awesome.

Under the hood was a 2.0-liter turbocharged 4-cylinder that made 190 horsepower. That may not seem like a lot, but it perfectly rivaled the much more highly publicized “DSM” cars of the time: the Eagle Talon TSi, the Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX, and the Plymouth Laser RS Turbo, which was briefly offered with the same turbo/AWD drivetrain as its companions and should probably be included in a later “It exists” segment.

Plus, 190 horsepower was more than enough power to move the Celica, since it only weighed around 2,500 pounds. Best of all, it included standard all-wheel drive, just like all “All-Trac” Toyota models in the late 1980s and early 1990s. The only difference was that the Celica was the only All-Trac designed for performance, unless you count that supercharged Previa.

With the arrival of the 1995 Celica – arguably the most handsome model – the turbo version went away in the States. Toyota had the Supra, which meant there was no need for a high-performance Celica. And when performance returned to the Celica line with the front-drive, naturally-aspirated GT-S trim in 2000, things weren’t quite the same.

I saw a Celica All-Trac on our roadtrip, and I was very excited by it. They were awesome cars. So awesome that someday, we might be sitting around talking about how we could’ve had a Celica All-Trac for ten grand if only we had bought it in 2013.